UX/UI Design - Research
Improving the quality of dating through vulnerability
Amor is a dating focused self-improvement service that utilizes psychological research and cognitive behavioral therapy concepts to help people enhance the quality of their relationships.
In a 2019 Pew Research Study, they found that 75% of daters said that they'd found it very difficult to find other people to date in the past year. While also discovering that 67% of daters find that their dating lives aren't going well at all.
This theme was commonly found throughout the research I had done and led me to this question: How might we then improve the quality of relationships?
I hypothesized that the only true way people can get better at dating and enhance their relationships is through genuine self-improvement. As the only true constant between someone in all of their relationships is themselves.
During dating and in relationships, it was commonly found that the people one attracts value the same things they do. However, this is also seen in both healthy and toxic relationships.
When someone's values influence their beliefs to place them above or below gender, sex or love.
"We all generally respond to our inferiority in one of two ways: either we avoid them, or we become anxious and let them dominate our lives." - Mark Manson
To compensate for inferiority gaps people create, they feel the need to perform some sort of action or live up to some standard.
In an article about the Business of Dating Apps, author Nadège puts it brilliantly, “You probably don’t realize it, but the free platform you’re currently using may also be owned by the pay-to play platform that’s being promoted to you. Maybe you switch over right away; maybe you hold off. No matter — the parent company already has your email, social media data, and maybe even more. Eventually, you may receive a coupon: “20% off your first three months on [insert company here]!” (Nadège, 2020).
Suppose this monopolized freemium subscription-based business model drives the design and technological decisions around how its interaction and algorithm match users. In that case, it begs the question if the application is there to help users find their ideal match.
One common psychological concept abused in online dating today is the use of gamification. Growth Engineering defines gamification as taking something that is not a game and applying game mechanics to increase user engagement, happiness, and loyalty. “Dating app designers are working hard to make it feel this way — to “gamify” dating so you’ll become addicted to the experience of “playing” it and will soon come back for more.” (Loren Soeiro, 2019). The addictive qualities of “gamified” applications like Tinder or Hinge are neurochemical in origin. Playing games on your phone releases endorphins, your body’s endogenous painkiller. These endorphins can reduce your anxiety levels, which feels great, or can even spark the feeling of being “high.” (Loren Soeiro, 2019)
• In dating and relationships, it is commonly found that the people one attracts value the same things they do. However, this applies to both healthy and toxic relationships.
• In a healthy relationship both parties can for example value honesty, empathy, respect, communication, each other’s success. However, when it comes to these values, they aren’t placed above their own wellbeing & self-respect.
• Healthy values are constructive in the way that they help move one towards a long-term goal or purpose. Something greater than short-term satisfaction or pleasure that has a positive impact on one’s life.
• For example, a man who has avoidant attachment habits won’t get intimate with someone they like because he has anxiety about his sexuality.
• While someone who has anxious attachment type on the other hand might have no problem with intimacy, however becomes unnervingly clingy soon after and scares the partner away.
• These forms of attachment may then manifest themselves further as performance-based behaviors.
1. A man values a woman higher than he values himself, and therefore feels the need to buy her gifts and give her all his attention to win her affection.
2. A woman who values love more than she values herself believes that she needs to sacrifice or hide parts of who she is in order to receive the love she desires.
3. A man who values sex more than his own self-respect believes he needs to learn the right words to say or actions to do to win someone over.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
- Dr. Brene Brown
If there is one skill to practice and value to hold it is this: Vulnerability. Put simply, it is the conscious choice to not hide one’s emotions or desires. The ability to put one’s self out there knowing they might be rejected, scolded, shamed or embarrassed. It is the essence of being authentic and genuinely yourself. A common piece of dating advice thrown around is the phrase, “Just be yourself,” and while that’s an awful way to frame that advice, the meaning behind it is to be vulnerable.
"Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a form of psychological treatment that has been demonstrated to be effective for a range of problems including depression, anxiety disorders, alcohol and drug use problems, marital problems, eating disorders, and severe mental illness" (Brown).
CBT generally follows these core principles:
• Psychological problems are in part based on faulty thinking and learned patterns
• People with these psychological problems can learn how to better manage them and even relieve their symptoms
"The app could use a personality quiz or something like the 5 love languages quiz."
"You should be able to see your progress on your lessons."
"How could you create the space of walking into a therapist’s room?"
"If you actually improve then you should be able to move onto the next lesson."
"Maybe there could be like a game like leveling system to measure improvement."
Amor Mobile Application
Amor (Latin) - love, affection, devotion
